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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
current location: A shit hole
current mood: aggravated
current song: Lincoln sqealing
I hope everyone had a good Christmas!! This year was Lincoln’s first but a 6 month old would hardly be able to tell the day apart from every other day,
Christmas day began at home moving onto Skot’ grandparent’s with his family all the way in Strathalbyn, a long drive and a bad hangover is not a winning combination, we had spent Christmas eve up until 6am I had been drinking all day anyway, it was a very interesting night, Skot’s Ex Tish the one that use to threaten my wellbeing everyday and caused me anxiety attacks every time I stepped out of the house came round and I was drinking with her, thankfully she has matured and her attitudes have completed been altered. Anyway yes, so we were in Strath most of the day and then headed to my mother’s much later then I originally intended, we hung about there until Skot’s dad picked Skot, Link and I up with Skot’s younger sister and we headed to Glenelg to his awesome penthouse, directly opposite the Beach house and the Ferris wheel, like directly, it’s so cool :P, Only just came back from there today, I have been watching the running competition from the balcony only a couple of metres away being as it’s on the ground floor.
Unfortunately yesterday was not as much fun as I would of liked, Playing, PS3 on a TV the size of me, Skot and I just couldn’t stop bickering and he wouldn’t stop abusing me and making me feel like shit, I couldn’t stop crying for hours, I felt so heartbroken and the only advice he could give was kill myself and then he suddenly became overly affectionate, it’s not fair. We then watched Foxtel for a while with his brother and they went off to drink in the spa, come 2am Skot decides to go for a walk to macca’s with no set plan on how he would get back inside the building, with no phone or the keys to our house, nothing, I stood for over an hour looking out of the window but he never came back, he didn’t all day today either, and I thought that he mat off just caught taxi back here but would then not of been able to get inside but no, so now Skot’s been missing for 21hours and I have his phone, I’m so fucking tressed out, he always gets into god damn fight especially in the bay and now this, I can only assume he either dead, in a hospital, in a gutter or shacked up with some random whore.
Had to sit in the middle of my mum and her mum fighting before I got back home as well and the most irritating thing of today was coming back to this fuck up of a house, I hate this fucking house, it’s a piece of shit, and the owner that Skot and I live with Paul who works four days on four days off, when he is here he makes me so fucked angry, I hate the way he speaks to me, like I’m a complete moron, like I will fuck him if he keeps hitting on me, and he hits on me all the time and it creeps me the fuck out, I hate the sleazy comments and the messages, I hate the fact that even though his daughter is here like maybe 2 nights at most in a week he gave her the big room that is just sitting there pretty much empty while I’m fucking stuck in a tiny room that doesn’t even have a window or fit any of my things in it and sharing it with Lincoln as well, I hate that I have fed his dog ALL the time because he doesn’t, the dog didn’t even have any water till I moved in, and I hate the fact that he is talking about getting a puppy, A FUCKING PUPPY, puppy’s are a lot of work and I have my son too look after the last thing I need is having to look after someone else’s dog and train another one on top of a baby so fucking stupid, and today the dog had nothing when I got back because when it was just him and his daughter here they left him here without giving him anything not even biscuits i shouldn’t have to buy the dog food all the time either, and I’m paying for heaps of crap around the place that is not my responsibility, pisses me off so much that he always says he is going to fix something but never ever does that the place looks like a dump outside and the huge amount of trash out the front that probably will never get removed because he says he will soon but soon never comes, when I got here half the kitchen was covered in garbage COVERED like there was a bin there somewhere but it was buried, it was so disgusting, how can anyone be so filthy, it makes me so fucking mad, I cleaned it of course he is too much of a moron and Skot wouldn’t dare touch it, i spent 2 days going through 6 shelves of outdated food to get rid of it all managing to only salvage 1 half shelf, there was no fridge here either and then when he got one out the shed it was outside and never brought in so it got weather damaged because, I’ll bring it soon turned into never and it was too big for me to move, so that was really annoying as well coz that no longer works so we were with a fridge until just now. Also there is no insulation in the roof so when it’s a hot day it’s 3 times worse inside, that will never get done because he said he is going to do it
I’m so mad now thinking about everything!
His room is attached to the living room and it’s a really big fucking room , there’s nothing really in there and every night he is home he sleeps out on the couch instead so that’s another room going to waste while me and Lincoln suffer.
When he rang me last night to tell Skot and I that he left a chicken in the microwave and that if we weren’t home in time, just to cook it for the dog OMFG OK I got home, walked into the kitchen and all I can smell is this horrible, horrible smell, I almost died cleaning the entire microwave, I threw the wretched chicken out, no way am I cooking that shit! What fucking moron leaves a fucking chicken in a microwave no plate nothing in summer in a hot house leaving it there for days and then expect others to deal with it. And then today in the morning when I rang to find out if sot had come back here and he said he wasn’t home anyway so he had no idea, he starts saying some shit about Skot not even wanting to see his dad even though it was Skot’s idea and it’s fucking Christmas and even though they had a really fucked relationship when Skot was growing up he is still his father and still Lincoln’s grandfather, just because Skot’s dad and Paul greatly dislike each other and because we weren’t at home to clean up shit we shouldn’t have to it’s a huge fucking deal.
I do feel sorry for him for the fact that his now ex girlfriend just left him with no explanation while he was working and literally took everything, but I can kind of understand why she did, I am gratefully to him for letting Skot, Link and I live here but I shouldn't have to be subjected to all the sleaziness and all the rest of the bullshit and I know that he does not like how most of the place is either, but yet he never does anything about it.
I’ve started looking for other places to rent , I have sent some emails out, I can’t deal with this shitty house and a drunk idiot for a landlord/housemate that aggravates the piss out of me 99% of the time, Paul is not a bad guy and it sucks cause he a really close friend to Skot’s mum but I just hate it when he says he will do all these things but never does, making us be responsible for things that aren’t our responsibly, and having to deal with the way he speaks to me and I fucking HATE when he offers Skot drinks, I hate it so fucking much especially because he knows Skot is an alcoholic and that it is literally killing him every time he has a drink and he knows that Skot has started med’s to stop his anxiety, the source of his heavy drinking but yet he is always shoving drinks in his face and always offering him more and more, and he DOES NOT take no for an answer he just keeps pushing it until you say yes or you say no so many fucking times it gets boring.
This has just turned into a giant repetitive bitch session, but I need to release it somehow or something is going to snap if I keep building it all up in my head and there has still been no word on if Skot is alive or safe.
Fuck my life.
